How to Process a Break up as Men with ADHD
ADHD can make breakups even harder to deal with.
As someone who has ADHD, I personally know the struggle of letting go and moving on after a breakup. A little over a year ago, I dated someone who eventually ghosted me. We connected very well, she had ADHD too, and I thought we had a great future together. Eventually, our connection started to fade and she randomly disappeared.
When this occurred, I internalized this heavily and adopted a false narrative that I am unlovable, that there’s something really wrong with me. And as Men, when we go through something like this, we find ourselves in a space where our confidence is completely shattered, often feeling as if we are unlovable.
Thoughts arise like:
“What’s so bad about me?”
“Is she moving on to someone who makes more money than me?”
“Am I not good looking enough?”
“Am I just meant to be single for the rest of my life?”
It can feel like your world has been turned upside down and it's hard to know what to do next.
However, it's important to remember that you are capable of getting through this and coming out stronger on the other side. Here are some tips to help you get over a break up:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It's okay to feel sad, angry, and hurt after a breakup. In fact, it's necessary to process these emotions in order to move on. Don't try to suppress your feelings or pretend that everything is okay. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but also remember that it won't last forever. Read that last sentence again.
Practice self-care: As men, we often feel like we need to be tough and strong all the time. However, taking care of yourself is not a sign of weakness. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising. Take some time to do things that make you happy, whether it's reading a book, watching a movie, or spending time with friends.
Reach out to your support network: Don't be afraid to lean on your friends and family during this time. Talking to someone you trust can help you process your emotions and gain perspective. You don't have to go through this alone - the Men’s ADHD Support Group exists for a reason. You’ll be shocked at the benefit from other men who relate to your experience taking a moment to cheer you on throughout this process.
Set boundaries: If you're still in contact with your ex, it's important to set boundaries to protect yourself. This might mean limiting your interactions, unfollowing them on social media, or even blocking them if necessary. Remember that you have the right to prioritize your own well-being.
Focus on the present moment: It's easy to get caught up in thoughts of the past or worries about the future. However, focusing on the present moment can help you feel more grounded and less anxious. Try mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation to help you stay present.
Learn from the experience: Breakups can be painful, but they can also be opportunities for growth. Take some time to reflect on what you've learned from the relationship and what you want for your future. Use this experience to become a better version of yourself.
Recognize that this isn’t “rejection” - you just weren’t the right fit for them. Rejection has an “I lost” feel to it. My Therapist reminds me of this all the time. Instead of keeping this negative point of view, recognize that you just weren’t the right fit for this person, knowing that there is a person who IS in fact a perfect fit for you.
Remember, getting over a breakup takes time and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. However, by practicing self-care, reaching out to your support network, and focusing on the present moment, you can start to heal and move forward. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You've got this.
Marc Almodovar is a community builder, social media influencer, and the Founder of Men’s ADHD Support Group, who since being diagnosed at age 16 with ADHD, has been working to be an advocate for a holistic treatment of ADHD, especially in men.
He is a dynamic public speaker, an inspired leader, and he has dedicated his life to changing the mindset of people everywhere about the necessity of mental healthcare and ADHD Awareness. For one-on-one coaching check him out today!
If you want to help support our efforts, then please consider donating or volunteering so that you can be a part of Inspiring, Educating, and Empowering men to thrive with their ADHD.
