ADHD and the Pain of Scarcity
“Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress. It happens when we’ve been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability) we’re angry and scared and at each other’s throats.”–Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
If you have ever listened to or read Dr. Brene Brown’s books, caught her seminars or watched her TED Talks, you will understand what I am talking about when I bring up the word Scarcity. According to Brene, our culture is a culture of scarcity.
In our current culture, we live in a never-enough mindset. Never enough money, never enough love, never enough sex. We are never enough. I see it every day in my interactions with the ADHD community. In our community, the Men’s ADHD Support Group, it is almost daily that a man will post to Facebook a question or a vent about scarcity in their life, career or relationship.
“My wife has asked for a separation because she can no longer live with…” or “I just got fired because...” and the most painful for me to read: “It’s been good brothers, but I can’t live with never being enough. I’m checking out.”
(If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, PLEASE call #988 or another crisis hotline (if not in US). Talk to someone first. We need you!)
With Imposter Syndrome and RSD, (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) it is so easy for those of us with ADHD to fall into the scarcity trap. We believe because we have been put down by family, spouses, teachers and, sadly, even friends, that we are not enough. I’d wager that most all of us, at some point in our life, have been bullied or abused.
How many of us in this fucked up family (I use this word lovingly because I wouldn’t have us any other way) of neurodivergents have contemplated ending our lives or had a mental breakdown because we believed what the normal have told us about being not enough?
“If you would just apply yourself more”, “You just need to snap out of it.”, “ADHD is just an excuse to be lazy”. The latter one is something that is new to me as a recently diagnosed ADHDer. I have always masked my ADHD, but now, I refuse to.
I’m here to tell you, this family I have found. This band of goofy, silly, depressed, struggling family that I have found in this community has taught me that I am enough. I would remind you that you are enough. Marc Almodavar, in his inspiration, started this group, but those of us who joined it have created a family. All of you have come together in this sanctuary and have brought your unique talents and abilities to make our world a better place.
Keep in mind that as people with ADHD, we are the flavor in this world. We bring the hot sauce to this meal of life. We are the garlic to add flavor, or the sugar to add sweetness to the world of humanity. Some of us are funny, some of us encourage, some of us are innovative and some of us are healers. For what would seem like an eternity, our brain type has been written off as being idiots, or morons.
However, the truth of the matter is that we are so much more.
What we have discovered is that some of the brightest and most brilliant people in history had signs of neurodivergence. Einstein, Mozart, perhaps even JS Bach. Innovative scientists and engineers, inventors like Thomas Edison, and countless others, have changed modern society. How cool is that!?
I want you to consider, the next time you are believing the lie that you are not enough, that you have a vast family that accepts you exactly the way you are. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is, who you love, what your faith, or lack thereof, is or that you are queer or trans.
You are loved. You are enough! YOU! YES YOU! YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Love,
Andy
Andy Kramer, is a 58 year old veteran and truck driver, was diagnosed with ADHD later in his life, and is now dedicated to helping men with ADHD. He actively participates in The Men’s ADHD Support Group on Facebook and in our Discord Chat community and aims to become an ADHD life coach. Andy also advocates for families with parents or children with ADHD to receive proper education support. Through his work, he has found purpose and community, and serves as an inspiration that it's never too late to make a difference.
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