Understanding the Link Between ADHD, Social Stereotypes, and Masking
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition that affects millions of people worldwide, and while both men and women can be affected, men are often less likely to seek help and more likely to mask their symptoms. But why is this? In this article, we will explore ADHD masking and how harmful toxic stereotypes and societal pressures, can lead us to wear masks to hide our symptoms.
First, let’s define what we mean by masking. Masking occurs when an individual with ADHD or neurodivergence hides or seem to control their various symptoms well enough that they appear as if they are not neurodivergent. This often happens because the person feels embarrassed about having a condition that is often poorly understood by others. They may also want to avoid being treated differently or being seen as less intelligent than other people because of their ADHD or neurodivergence and the stigma surrounding these issues. However, this masking takes a significant amount of mental energy on our parts and can lead to significant deterioration of our mental and physical health when it is taken too far.
Toxic Social Expectations and Masking
You know, as someone with ADHD, it's tough to navigate the world and all the expectations that come with it. Society often has this idea of what we as men should be like and how we should act, and it can feel like we’re constantly falling short. Things I have seen in my life, and in our Facebook group, are like these:
There’s the expectation that we should always be strong and in control. All too often, society expects us to be emotionless robots or something, and it’s just not possible for us all the time. I know for me, my impulsivity and social anxiety can make it hard for me to come across as “in control” all the time.
Then there’s the expectation that we should be able to handle everything on our own. Like, we’re supposed to be self-sufficient and not need any help. But the truth is, we all need support and accommodations in order to navigate life’s challenges. It’s not weak to ask for help, it’s just reality. This one has been one of my biggest struggles, because I grew up with the idea that “If I can’t do something perfectly, then it’s not worth doing.” and that I applied that mindset to even those around me.
Another one that can be tricky is the expectation that we should always be providers and stable. Like, society expects us to have steady jobs, make a certain amount of money, and be able to take care of ourselves and others financially. But the truth is, ADHD can make it hard for us to hold down a job, focus on tasks, much less make a steady income. It’s not that we don’t want to provide, it’s just that our brains work differently and it can be harder for us to achieve that stability that society expects of us. We have to come to an understanding of our limitations and find other ways to contribute to society, whether it be through volunteering, starting our own business, or, in my case, being a stay-at-home dad.
It’s important to recognize that these societal expectations can be harmful, especially when taken to an extreme. They can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame, and can make it difficult for us to advocate for ourselves and get the support we need. But by understanding these toxic societal expectations and their impact, we can start to challenge them and advocate for ourselves. It’s not about trying to fit in a mold that society has set for us, but rather, it’s about being true to ourselves and the unique way we navigate the world.
The Masks That We Wear
We may feel pressure to conform to these expectations, as the symptoms of ADHD, such as difficulty with attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, may be perceived as weak or unmanly. This pressure to conform to traditional gender roles can lead us to mask our symptoms in order to avoid being perceived as weak or unmanly.
These masks that we put on cause a significant amount of pain, especially mentally. Because under the masks are all the negative emotions associated with ADHD, such as frustration, embarrassment, and shame, which often results in poor self-esteem and isolation. This further spirals into more stress, anxiety, and potential co-occurring mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and severe addictions. Masking symptoms can lead to an underdiagnosis of ADHD, resulting in further difficulties in academic, social, or work environments, all compounding on the pressures we face.
Is it no wonder that studies found that people with ADHD had 3-5 times higher risk of suicide compared to people without ADHD? This shows that it’s crucial to take the symptoms and the risks of ADHD seriously, and that masking these issues can cause lasting harm to not just us, but our families.
How do we Unmask?
Understanding ADHD and how it specifically affects us is key in helping us accept and recognize that it is not a weakness or something to be ashamed of. The next step is to find effective coping strategies that work for us as individuals. Working with a medical professional with a background in ADHD can help us identify the best strategies for managing symptoms, often through a combination of: medication, therapy, coaching, and support groups.
Embracing our strengths and interests is another important step towards building confidence and self-esteem. Many people with ADHD have unique talents and passions, and focusing on these can help us feel good about ourselves and our abilities.
Understanding what our weaknesses and dislikes are gives us some valuable insight into why we do not want to do certain things. These things that we dislike doing should be understood, as this may be something that just doesn’t align with our values and desires. If that is the case, our subconscious will completely lock down our willingness to force through doing that thing.
Having a supportive network of family, friends, and professionals who understand ADHD and can provide emotional support is essential for managing symptoms and staying on track. With their help, we can break free from harmful stereotypes and societal expectations and live our lives to the fullest.
Being as authentically true to ourselves as we can be can help us find the people who will love and care for us as we are, and not the masks that we wear. So it’s time to take off those masks and embrace who we are. By seeking help, embracing our strengths, understanding our values, and building a supportive network, we can live with confidence and self-acceptance, despite our ADHD. Let’s take control of our journey and pave the way for a brighter and more fulfilling future.
References
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2746339
https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-021-03247-6
Shane Thrapp is a Certified ADHD Life, Relationship, and Career Coach.
Through his business, Creating Order From Chaos, he has helped hundreds of people find their paths through the chaos of life with ADHD and find their order and purpose.
He is also the Operations Director for our nonprofit Men’s ADHD Support Group, a board member for the Inattentive ADHD Coalition, and a public speaker who works to be a voice in advocacy for adult ADHD awareness.
If you want to help support our efforts, then please consider donating or volunteering so that that we can keep Inspiring, Educating, and Empowering men to thrive with their ADHD.
