Overwhelm, Burnout, and ADHD
Burnout and overwhelm are pretty common issues for people with ADHD, especially men who are often expected to shoulder socio-economic pressures and fulfill cultural expectations. Overwhelm for men with ADHD can feel like being perpetually swamped by duties, societal expectations, or stimuli that seem incompatible with their unique neural wiring. It typically manifests as an exhausting struggle to adapt and meet norms that do not resonate with their values or strengths, often requiring an inordinate amount of mental energy to maintain the facades expected.
Burnout, in contrast, is an emotional, physical, and mental fallout triggered by sustained periods of stress or overwhelming situations. For men with ADHD, burnout can exacerbate already challenging ADHD symptoms. You’re always tired. Your focus is shot. You find it really hard to think through a haze of brain fog. You might even start experiencing physical symptoms like migraines or stomach pains. Your emotions might go on a rollercoaster ride, leading to outbursts or lashing out. Sometimes, you might pull away from social interactions, opening a whole new can of mental health worms. It often arises when they consistently ignore the signs of overwhelm and fail to address the root issues, which could be incongruent jobs, relationships, lifestyles, or insufficient self-care.
As men, the pressure to find a job that makes enough money to support a family, or be in relationships, and deal silently with these lifestyle struggles that are based on unrealistic expectations can lead to such overwhelm and burnout. We are wired differently and having to constantly try to maintain these stereotypical mindsets cause a lot of harm for us. We often do not have the same motivation, emotional regulations, and time management systems as neurotypical people do, and we find ourselves constantly feeling shame for not being able to adhere to these expectations.
So how do we tackle this? First, you’ve got to heal, but more importantly, learn how to avoid ending up here again. Think of it like a sports injury. You wouldn’t just want to recover; you’d also want to prevent future injuries. Just like a hamstring injury, you don’t keep running on it. You get help with it, and you work on healing it, otherwise you can have catastrophic injuries occurring.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but there are a few things that can help. Therapy can be a game-changer. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, can help you figure out what’s causing you stress and how to handle it. It teaches you to process your emotions, not just bury them. It also equips you with tools to set boundaries with people who stress you out and advocate for yourself.
Alongside therapy, understanding what motivates your ADHD brain is crucial. Remember INCUP: your life should revolve around Interesting tasks, Novel experiences, Challenges you enjoy, Urgency from deadlines, and align with your Passions. Your relationships and work also need to respect your need for understanding and accommodations for ADHD, as well as mental and physical health needs.
Don’t forget to move that body! Regular exercise is a great stress-buster. Yoga, Tai-chi, or even martial arts like Brazilian Jiujitsu and Krav Maga can be beneficial. If you’re more into lifting, hit the gym, especially in the afternoon after work. This can help with burning out frustration and stress and allow you to get better rest.
Speaking of rest, rest, man, rest. Make sure you’re clocking in at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night. If you’re struggling with sleep issues, don’t ignore them - get help. Dedicate at least one day a week to yourself, doing things you love. The chores and family time can wait till your second off-day. Also, try to squeeze in at least an hour of rest every day, doing whatever you find relaxing. Whether it’s a power nap, working on a hobby, or just chilling, make it a non-negotiable part of your day. Remember, if we don’t take care of our mental health, we’re risking more than just a bad day at work.
Navigating this world with ADHD can sometimes feel like you’re in the middle of a mosh pit with no exit in sight. But remember, it’s not just about surviving the pit. It’s about learning the dance, knowing when to step back, and how to keep our cool when things get rough. We got this, one day at a time.
This journey might be a tough one, but it’s ours. Let’s own it, man. Embrace that neurodivergent brain of yours, understand its needs, and don’t let anyone else’s expectations define your rhythm. You’re not alone in this, and together, we can keep the burnout beast at bay.
Shane Thrapp is a Certified ADHD Life, Relationship, and Career Coach.
Through his business, Creating Order From Chaos, he has helped hundreds of people find their paths through the chaos of life with ADHD and find their order and purpose.
He is also the Operations Director for our nonprofit Men’s ADHD Support Group, a board member for the Inattentive ADHD Coalition, and a public speaker who works to be a voice in advocacy for adult ADHD awareness.
If you want to help support our efforts, then please consider donating or volunteering so that that we can keep Inspiring, Educating, and Empowering men to thrive with their ADHD.
