Masks Off: Embracing Your Authenticity to Build Strong Relationships
Social isolation is a prevalent issue among men with ADHD, particularly for those who also experience social awkwardness or are on the autism spectrum. The COVID pandemic showed all too well the dangers of social isolation and the importance of building strong relationships. Studies have shown that having four or more close friends to confide in leads to higher happiness, longer life, stronger immunity, and a reduced risk of mood disorders.
It's time for men with ADHD to embrace the power of connection! Building and maintaining strong relationships is crucial for our overall well-being and happiness. However, making friends as an adult with ADHD can be challenging, but it's not impossible. By employing the various strategies below and being proactive, we can overcome these difficulties and establish meaningful connections.
Be Authentic
Authenticity is essential for forming and maintaining meaningful relationships, especially for men with ADHD. By being true to oneself, you are able to attract people who appreciate and accept you for who you are. When people sense that you are hiding your true self behind a mask of “normalcy”, they may feel as if you are holding back and not being genuine, which can cause them to distance themselves from you.
Wearing a mask, or presenting a persona that is not representative of your true self, can also come off as fake and inauthentic. This lack of authenticity can cause people to feel as if you are trying too hard to fit in and be someone you're not. By embracing your authentic self and being transparent, you are able to build genuine and meaningful relationships that are based on mutual trust and respect.
Make an Effort
A big part of becoming a friend is just showing up. Whenever you have the chance to see other people, take it. Go to the bar, enjoy yourself and find those things that y’all can do that allows you to be a part of their lives. Work on managing your time effectively and put things into a calendar to ensure that you reach out to friends on a regular basis. Something that I do is to set alarms to make sure that I break the out-of-sight/out-of-mind memory issue and just do your best to respect the alarms. What is important is that you stay involved with those you care about and at least show the effort. I promise that they will appreciate it. Especially if you are honest with them about your ADHD.
Be Upfront About Your ADHD
Speaking of, being upfront about one's ADHD is a crucial step in building healthy personal relationships. It's important to let people know that ADHD affects us differently, and we may need extra support in order to maintain the relationship. This kind of communication is key, and by letting people know what our specific needs are, and putting in place our expectation of respect and care we can remove those who are dismissive of our ADHD.
It's important to establish these boundaries and make sure that everyone understands the significance of respecting them. By doing this, we can create a supportive environment around us that allows us to thrive and build meaningful connections with others. Also, you never know, you may discover that your friends are your friends for a common reason, you’re all neurodivergent! (Like draws like, y’all)
Embrace Online Connections
Online communities, like the Men’s ADHD Support Group on Facebook, can be great places to find friendship and support. While nothing can replace a face-to-face hangouts, repeated exposure to people online can lead to better relationships. There’s a lot of things that you can do online, as many of you dungeons and dragon fans out there can attest. For those others, it’s important to know that you can even play board games or video games with those that you form friendships with online. .
Join a Group
Being part of a natural group, where you have common interests and are brought together automatically, is the easiest way to make friends. Starting a new job, taking a class, or moving to a new neighborhood are great opportunities to join an interest group. If you can't find an existing group, start one based on your interests, as studies show that each common interest between people boosts the chances of a lasting relationship and increases life satisfaction. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t immediately build a large group, as they say in Field of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.”
Embrace your passions and interests and find others who share them. Whether it's a car club, a maker’s studio, a video game club, or a movie night club, finding your tribe of like-minded individuals can be a powerful way to form lasting relationships. (I see you Magic: The Gathering and Warhammer 40k people.)
It's time to break out of social isolation and build the relationships that will bring us joy, support, and a longer, healthier life. Join the Men's ADHD Support Group on Facebook today and let's make it happen! Remember, we are not alone in our struggles and by working together, we can achieve anything.
Shane Thrapp is a Certified ADHD Life, Relationship, and Career Coach.
Through his business, Creating Order From Chaos, he has helped hundreds of people find their paths through the chaos of life with ADHD and find their order and purpose.
He is also the Operations Director for our nonprofit Men’s ADHD Support Group, a board member for the Inattentive ADHD Coalition, and a public speaker who works to be a voice in advocacy for adult ADHD awareness.
If you want to help support our efforts, then please consider donating or volunteering so that that we can keep Inspiring, Educating, and Empowering men to thrive with their ADHD.
